shoe crime
November 5th 2007 23:41
For those of us who love shoes, the thought that someone could dare to make a ridiculous pair, and on purpose, is blasphemy. It is almost like they are mocking those of us with an obsession, and such sacrilege should not be tolerated. Scouring the streets, it is easy to expose these wicked soles and it results in a hit list of shoes to avoid!
Waders: For years we have avoided situations where we could possibly get our fantastic shoes wet unexpectedly, get dirty unexpectedly, and of course unexpectedly bump into our exes not looking like a supermodel. So what on earth were the designers of the waders thinking? That now when it rains, the tradition of men putting coats over puddles is no longer necessary? That a girl in a fabulous Dolce & Gabbana dress will just hike up her skirt and plodge through the water? Me thinketh not! These shoes are an outrage and should be banned immediately.
Crocs: Who on earth thought these were a good idea? Something about these Swiss cheese looking Smurf shoes has caught the imagination of the nation and they are everywhere I look. So I look away. And still I see more. Flats are in! Round toes, peep toes, ballet style, there has never been more range and choice when it comes to flats. Flats are comfortable, you can walk surprising distances in them, and they suit almost everyone. So why the Crocs?? If you have even contemplated the Croc, don’t admit it to anyone and get your otherwise fashionable ass to the flats display immediately.
Vintage shoes (don’t freak out, not all of them): Having the slight shoe obsession that I do means I was given a shoe calendar last Christmas. Wonderful present, a new pair of shoes every day in addition to the ones I can actually wear. What was unexpected about this calendar is the number of outrageous shoes that have made it into production over the years. Let me detail a few, so you see what I mean.
August 2: sandal from 1969 constructed from braided hair. Yes, hair. Not okay.
26 May: ankle boot from the 1980s with goose appliqué. Yes, geese. Five of them.
29 May: court shoe by Tokio Kumagai in 1989 called “Lipstick and pigtails”. Yes, it really does have pigtails and a whopping great mouth.
When there are so many magnificent examples of footwear on the market, shoe crime cannot be tolerated. Shoes are one of the few ways to bring bliss to every day. Feet, for the most part, are pretty wrong, and there is no acceptable reason to make them look even worse. Shoes are meant to bring joy, and looks of envy, not looks of disbelief. So, in the interests of your little feet which can’t speak up for themselves, avoid the above shoe crimes at all costs. Because thinking your feet wouldn’t be asking for Manolos is a complete Croc.
Waders: For years we have avoided situations where we could possibly get our fantastic shoes wet unexpectedly, get dirty unexpectedly, and of course unexpectedly bump into our exes not looking like a supermodel. So what on earth were the designers of the waders thinking? That now when it rains, the tradition of men putting coats over puddles is no longer necessary? That a girl in a fabulous Dolce & Gabbana dress will just hike up her skirt and plodge through the water? Me thinketh not! These shoes are an outrage and should be banned immediately.
Crocs: Who on earth thought these were a good idea? Something about these Swiss cheese looking Smurf shoes has caught the imagination of the nation and they are everywhere I look. So I look away. And still I see more. Flats are in! Round toes, peep toes, ballet style, there has never been more range and choice when it comes to flats. Flats are comfortable, you can walk surprising distances in them, and they suit almost everyone. So why the Crocs?? If you have even contemplated the Croc, don’t admit it to anyone and get your otherwise fashionable ass to the flats display immediately.
Vintage shoes (don’t freak out, not all of them): Having the slight shoe obsession that I do means I was given a shoe calendar last Christmas. Wonderful present, a new pair of shoes every day in addition to the ones I can actually wear. What was unexpected about this calendar is the number of outrageous shoes that have made it into production over the years. Let me detail a few, so you see what I mean.
26 May: ankle boot from the 1980s with goose appliqué. Yes, geese. Five of them.
29 May: court shoe by Tokio Kumagai in 1989 called “Lipstick and pigtails”. Yes, it really does have pigtails and a whopping great mouth.
When there are so many magnificent examples of footwear on the market, shoe crime cannot be tolerated. Shoes are one of the few ways to bring bliss to every day. Feet, for the most part, are pretty wrong, and there is no acceptable reason to make them look even worse. Shoes are meant to bring joy, and looks of envy, not looks of disbelief. So, in the interests of your little feet which can’t speak up for themselves, avoid the above shoe crimes at all costs. Because thinking your feet wouldn’t be asking for Manolos is a complete Croc.
| 78 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Harry
Sydney Diary
Personals
Brisbane Diarystar
Zoo Parent