Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Blogs | Writers | Paid | My Orble | Login

Man cleavage...in definitely in...

January 13th 2012 08:25
Man cleavage. Heavage. Heard of it? It's been around for a while, the gay community are definitely champions of it and it's creeping into straight man land too....whatever you call it and no matter where you look, the men of this city are certainly daring to bare now that the sun is finally out.

It is virtually impossible to leave your house in Sydney at the moment and not see a whole lot of naked chest, thanks to many a man wearing a plunging neckline. And I’m not talking about the standard v-neck here, or even the type of more risqué v-neck John Travolta sported in Saturday Night Fever. I mean those necklines so deep, that, if worn by a female, would require hollywood tape or at least a good defence against an indecency charge. I’m not sure what started this trend, or when it will end, but it has certainly taken hold, and from Monday to Friday, dusk til dawn, there is a large contingent of often hairy chests on view around town.


What I find most interesting about this trend is the absolute blatancy of it. While most of what is written about heavage indicates a “subtle” showing off of the chest area, there ain’t nothin’ subtle about what I’m seeing on the streets of Sydney! And although you’d also think this look was designed for those with designer décolletage, and even well worked pecs based on how low this fashion goes, it doesn’t appear to be the case. I’m seeing pale, neglected chests everywhere I look.

We can only hope that when the colder weather hits, it also kick starts a mass health kick across the city so if we are required to see how much chest hair this city’s male residents have, at least it will be on well formed torsos. Apparently skin is in!
7
Vote
   


Shopping with your man

December 5th 2011 22:44
As Christmas is almost upon us, the high streets and shopping malls are upping in the ante in the bedlam stakes which never makes for a pleasant shopping experience. Added to this, some women seem to think that shopping with their boyfriends in tow will somehow improve the situation. Unless you are yet to establish that your other half is actually a shopping-loving gay man, I have news for you - bringing him along is not a good idea.

Ladies, it’s common knowledge that one of a man’s least favourite things to do is accompany his girlfriend shopping. And I have to admit that having your boyfriend accompany you shopping is also one of my least favourite things to have happen. You know why? Because it’s not just his shopping experience you are ruining - it's mine. Here are my reasons.


1. He gets in the way. You may think it’s great to have your man stand around as you try on dress after dress or shoe after shoe, but as he stands there waiting for you, he is often inadvertently in the way of many a serious shopper. After all your complaining that he is just following you around, the guy tries to do the right thing and gives you a bit of distance. Problem is, that moves him closer to the rest of us. The number of times I have been in a tiny shoe store and had to ask a forlorn male to move several times because he is blocking the best shoes as he waits for his girlfriend on the other side of the tiny store is getting beyond a joke. If you refuse to leave him at home completely, at least let him sit outside when the shop is less than 5 square metres.

2. He slows me down. It may be wonderful to have your own packhorse to trot behind you with your shopping bags as you embark on a few solid hours of pounding the pavement, but your man’s lack of enthusiasm means that his less than spritely meander through narrow streets, and even narrower store aisles, hinders the shopping of the likes of me. Sometimes I don’t have all day to shop and if I need a new dress for work drinks that night - or just found out a friend I didn't buy a present for has got me one, always a nightmare - I want to get in, power through, and get out. Dodging your dawdling boyfriend hampers that somewhat and only leads to you frustrating hardcore females shoppers as well as your poor man friend.

3. We all know he’s there under duress. If the top two reasons aren’t enough, I have to dodge sulking, snail-paced men knowing they don’t even want to be there. It would be easier to handle asking a guy to scoot left so I can check out the latest Zimmerman if I knew he too was genuinely interested in what was on the shelf, but nine times out of ten, not only is he making shopping less of a pleasure for me, he’s having a bad time whilst doing it.

I know that when we women love to shop, we want to share that passion with our boyfriends. After all, if they expect us to give up the best part of a Saturday to watch them play cricket, surely a few hours accompanying us down the high street isn’t too much to ask. But realistically, it’s just not worth the effort.

When you’re dragging him from store to store and parading out of the change room in ensemble after ensemble trying to find the right dress for your Christmas shindig, your boyfriend is going to tell you that you look fabulous in whatever it is you put on for two very simple reasons.

One, he wants to get out of there as quickly as possible, and two, he’ll do anything to avoid an argument. As much as we say we want their honest opinion, having your boyfriend tell you he doesn’t like what you have on is somehow one hundred times more offensive than if your best friend tells you the same thing.

So for all of the above reasons, I am asking that boyfriends and other halves and man friends be left at home - or better yet, let them go to the pub while you shop. Not only will you both get to do what you love, he will think you’re the world’s best girlfriend. And so will I.
16
Vote
   


The fat day

November 21st 2011 21:14
Fat days are the worst, and you often realise you are having a fat day at the worst possible time. As you are desperately trying to find an outfit for work because you have a major presentation. Or when you're running late for a date with a hot guy. But the biggest problem with a fat day is that once you have decided you're having one, no matter what you put on, your problem area (or areas) only seem to continue to increase in size, and the more outfits you try, the fatter you think you look. And instead of motivating us to exercise, the fat day only seems to encourage sitting on the couch eating copious amounts of ice-cream to console ourselves.

It happens to everyone. You can pull a size 6 dress out of the cupboard, put it on and feel like you have a bigger pot belly than your beer-guzzling uncle. The trick is trying not to get so caught up in staring at your wobbly bits that you don't notice that you actually do look good in what you have on. So,
I have come up with some fool proof ways to make sure that even on a fat day you can leave the house knowing you look great. So unless you have a very understanding boss who allows "feeling fat" as a legitimate sick day excuse, read on!

Firstly, invest in a completely black ensemble. Whether it be a black top and skirt, black top and trousers or a black dress, wearing something all black is not only slimming, but teamed with funky accessories is instantly stylish.
Making good use of accessories will draw attention away from your torso and over to places like your wrists that are unlikely to be responsible for your fat feelings. Add this to your fabulously black outfit and no-one will be any the wiser that you’re having a fat day!

Thirdly, do whatever you can to draw attention to the bits of you that you are happy with! Having a great face day? Wear your hair back and play up your makeup to make yourself even prettier! Fat day not extending as far as your ankles? Wear three quarter pants, dress shorts or a skirt and show them off with fabulous shoes. People will be so busy looking at your feet their eyes wont hesitate for a minute over the flabby thighs you think you’re sporting!

Fat days happen. I currently am having a fat week and I had to regularly remind myself to pull my stomach in as I walked the muppet last night, but rather than come home and put on my gym gear, I stuck a bottle of white wine in the freezer and heated up left over pizza. There was also a slice of chocolate cake waiting for me in the fridge. Helpful for my fat feeling? Not at all. Helpful for my spirits? Very. But then maybe that's the point.

A lot of the time, a fat day is mostly in our heads. Yes, sometimes us gals can be retaining a little water, and if we have overdone the cake and the wine it can add a few kilos in places we would prefer it not to, but we rarely look as fat to others as we think we do in the mirror.

16
Vote
   


The fat day

November 21st 2011 21:11
Fat days are the worst, and you often realise you are having a fat day at the worst possible time. As you are desperately trying to find an outfit for work because you have a major presentation. Or when you're running late for a date with a hot guy. But the biggest problem with a fat day is that once you have decided you're having one, no matter what you put on, your problem area (or areas) only seem to continue to increase in size, and the more outfits you try, the fatter you think you look. And instead of motivating us to exercise, the fat day only seems to encourage sitting on the couch eating copious amounts of ice-cream to console ourselves.

It happens to everyone. You can pull a size 6 dress out of the cupboard, put it on and feel like you have a bigger pot belly than your beer-guzzling uncle. The trick is trying not to get so caught up in staring at your wobbly bits that you don't notice that you actually do look good in what you have on. So


[ Click here to read more ]
16
Vote
   


Matchy matchy!

September 27th 2011 09:16
I have to admit that I love watching The Golden Girls, and the insane 80s outfits are only one of the reasons this show is so fabulous. Featuring regularly is the good old twin set. Oh so matchy matchy! But I think the ongoing appearance of overly coordinated ensembles is somewhat understandable.

As a child, I think for many of us our earliest fashion memories involve trying to choose our own outfits and being told what matches – and more to the point, what doesn’t. Clashing colours and patterns are pointed out ever so nicely when, as a four year old, you try to dress yourself in every shade of pink you can get your hands on. Since moving beyond that phase, I have discovered some very interesting points about this whole matching business


[ Click here to read more ]
27
Vote
   


Suck it up

September 9th 2011 00:59
Last night I tootled down to Sydney's version of Vogue's Fashions Night Out, which was in some parts fabulous and in others not so much.

I went with a friend of mine who is a journo and stylist, and she unashamedly admitted she was getting her "snob on" and was fairly horrified that events she had RSVP'ed to had become a free for all, for what appeared to be the whole of Sydney


[ Click here to read more ]
16
Vote
   


To be or not to be fashionable

August 22nd 2011 22:30
Sometimes I find fashion perplexing. Sometimes I flick through fashion magazines and I think the styled shoots are just....messy. I can see that what has been put together is on trend, but often I don't think that makes for a good outfit. Often, the stuff just doesn't work together. How is that fashion?

Six belts, and cardigan that looks like it was made of rope thrown over a maxi dress with shoes that don't match isn't wearable - well, it shouldn't be - and it doesn't really look good. All the individual pieces may be fabulous independently but when did a mis-matched outfit become a sign of style


[ Click here to read more ]
16
Vote
   


Colour coded

July 5th 2011 08:16
I had a big old chat about hair colour to a colleague who I have spent the last two days traveling with. I mentioned that one of my clients, who is in the hair biz, is "encouraging" me to go copper. As a blonde, I fear changing my hair colour for a couple of reasons. First and foremost is having the weirdest regrowth ever when I'm ready to rejoin the blonde brigade, and secondly that when that time comes, my natural colour will grow back darker rendering me at the mercy of bleach for the rest of my days.

The challenge of copper is also the maintenance. Despite red being oh so very in this season, keeping it glossy and vibrant is a challenge that most unnatural redheads will tell you they failed at miserably. Maintenance in the majority of aspects of life for me = too hard basket and outsourced. Only I can't outsource my hair every day


[ Click here to read more ]
26
Vote
   


Fickle Fashion

July 3rd 2011 00:39
One minute you're in, the next you're out. Fashion is oh-so-fickle, sometimes with good reason, some without. For me, the jury is still out on whether "disgraced" designer John Paul Gaultier deserves that title, and whether his own (albeit offensive) views on a few things should impact on if we think his clothes are amazing or not.

Back in the news this weekend after the wedding dress designed for Kate Moss made headlines, the spate of news earlier this year touting JPG as a racist after anti-Sematic comments of his made headlines. Interestingly the comments were apparently made in a historically Jewish part of Paris. Hmmm


[ Click here to read more ]
8
Vote
   


Shopaholics Anonymous

June 26th 2011 05:35
Many women joke about being shopaholics but maybe a passion for fashion can actually become an addiction, especially if you work in an industry where appearances are paramount.

Despite what is essentially a whole lot of claptrap about everyone really believing that it's what's being on the inside that counts, anyone who moves in certain business circles can vouch for the fact that what's on the outside is often what gets you the furthest, or at least gets you a foot in the door so that your fabulous personality or business acumen can then take you the rest of the way. When you consider that a few entire industries exist purely based on physical appearance, how can you really argue to the contrary, even if it's not how things should be


[ Click here to read more ]
28
Vote
   


More Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
2 Posts
107 Posts dating from November 2007
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:

JEz's Blogs

1111 Vote(s)
5 Comment(s)
41 Post(s)
3808 Vote(s)
5 Comment(s)
57 Post(s)
Moderated by JEz
Copyright © 2012 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]